Quarter Life Crisis
Submitted by Jenny on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 11:25
According to Wikipedia.com, the quarter life crisis is defined as “…a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the early twenties to the early thirties. The term is named by analogy with mid-life crisis.” I didn’t know such a thing existed until it happened to me.
I remember exactly when it happened. I was 25, just a couple months after my birthday. I got home from work and was sitting around playing with the dogs and watching some tv. Then it hit me, like I was blindsided by a bus. I didn’t know what I was doing with my life. I mean, I knew what I was doing on a day to day basis. Wake up, go to work, go home, eat, sleep, etc. Then wake up and do it all again the next day. Except today, a million questions started pouring in, questions that were always there but tucked away in the back of my mind:
- What am I doing with my life?
- Am I doing it right?
- What if I’m doing it wrong?
- How come everyone else is doing fine, and I feel like a mess?
That’s just a summary of a long list of worries that piled up in my head. After a couple days of agonizing over my future, I talked to a good friend and he said three magic words, “You’re not alone.” We talked about how he felt the same, and he knew others who were at the same point in their life. It took me awhile but I began to understand that what I was worrying about was normal. More importantly, and surprisingly, I learned that no one really knows what they’re doing.
Understanding my quarter life crisis was an eye opening experience where I accepted that life doesn’t come with an instruction manual. For years upon years, I had my life mapped out with corresponding years. At eighteen, graduate high school. Check. Four years later, college degree. Check. Next, good job. Check. But now what? Apparently that’s up to me! My life is no longer dictated by a map of what’s the right step or the wrong. Instead, I thought long and hard about what I wanted for myself and I’m currently getting the ball rolling in that direction.
Another thing I realized was that it wasn’t just twenty somethings that don’t know what they’re doing. My parents didn’t have anyone to hold their hand when they came here from the Philippines. But yet, they managed to do quite well for themselves. Life is about trial and error. My main focus from now will be what makes me happy. Then I will figure out how to achieve that happiness. If along the way, I make mistakes, I’ll learn. I believe it’s a journey that everyone goes through, whether they know it or not. Some just deal with it better than others.
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Comments
Ditto!
Girl, I could relate! I could write a novel about this!
Life is not a problem to be solved- but a mystery to be lived. -Thomas Merton
Life is a journey, not a destination. -Raph Waldo Emerson
...There are no mistakes, just chances we’ve taken...-India Arie
I have also learned that our problems are more like challenges that help build character. We are "refined by the fire", and each time we are faced with a challenge and overcome it, we grow a little wiser and become more equipped to solve other ones. I almost think that the lessons we learned are used to pass on to future generations. I usually go to my grandmother for advice and she will use a past personal experience to help me comprehend or cope with something I'm trying to deal with it. It's kind of crazy! Not to say we are exactly alike but I'm glad I can learn from her.
I look forward to hearing more of your stories and about your journey.
Definitely Not Alone
You are definitely not alone. I, too, also planned everything in my life aimed towards graduating from college. And at this point, after working for a few years, I find myself looking for something more. My "roadmap" has also ended. But I can't help but look at peers who seemed to have more of a vision earlier in life. Guys who took their graduate entrance tests while they were in college, people who networked and were involved in all the right organizations and knew the right people, people who had that little extra piece on their roadmap, ones who had a more long term vision.
So, now, almost four years removed from college and being in that previously mythical "real world", i'm starting to map out the rest of my "real life". Looking at grad schools, trying to make myself look more attractive to good schools, meeting the right people, trying desperately to find people to write me recommendation letters. Sure, the grass is always greener on the other side, and I'll always wish that my roadmap had a little bit more to it. Sure, I might be older than my peers in grad school when i finally go. But in the age of the GPS and Google Maps, i think we sometimes feel that the journey is more of a means to an end than an actual "journey". I'm just going to have to realize that I haven't wasted the past couple years of my life; it's all been part of the journey of getting to wherever it is i'm gonna end up. Maybe the journey there, as opposed to the destination, is what "real life" is all about. And maybe growing up isn't a sprint to the finish line, but instead more like a cross-country roadtrip.
I think its great to hear
I think its great to hear stories like this because like you pointed out, Jenny, it's a reminder that we're not the only ones going through this "crisis":) I'm a firm believer in doing what you love and eventually the money will come. But until I "make it big" I find myself asking the question "When is it going to happen to me?... Am I doing the right things to get me where I want to go? When are things going to fall into place and I'll have it all figured out?"
I read this and Christina's response and it also reminds me that it's about the process as well as the destination:)
me too.
I had my quarter life crisis after college too. And then again 4 years later. But at least the second time around, I realized that moving around is a good way to find a better job, and no step is a step in the wrong direction. Better to try something and not have it work and KNOW that, then to stay in a lame job!